Ten Facebook Statuses to Instantly Engage Your Readers

The opposite of "Like" is now "Ignore."

by Lydia Netzer


Comments on Facebook status updates let us know that we aren't standing all alone in the middle of a party, making animated hand gestures and facial expressions into thin air. Likes reassure us that we're not sighing out half-hearted commentary into a lonely glass of wine while no one listens. As authors, these responses also let us know that we're doing social media correctly, and that we won't be fired by our publishers for being the dullest clods on the internet. They can fire you for that, you know. So how do you get readers to engage with your page? 

It's difficult to know what to say sometimes. I know this one older dude on Facebook who only posts pictures from traffic cameras and also cats. He has a bunch of friends and they're highly engaged, commenting on and Liking everything. I want to think he's unlocked some kind of magical Facebook formula where cat posts combine with traffic camera footage to create a powerful ankh that gives its wearer internet popularity. I salute that guy. But we can't all be him. A lot of people I know, especially authors, seem to worry about appearing too positive, too negative, too repetitive, too pretentious. Posting a status update can feel like tugging on someone's elbow. What if they don't turn around?

The way to get people engaged with your Facebook Page is to give them an opportunity to do something they already want to do. 

No one logs onto Facebook with a burning desire to say "Oh, hmm!" to a dry description of your writing routine. No one yearns to say "Cool fixture!" when you post a picture of your desk lamp. No one really needs to Like your link to an article you wrote about yourself. But you can get comments and Likes flowing by figuring out what people on the internet want to do, and then giving them a place to do it. 

For example, here are ten Facebook updates that will get comments, possibly even a storm of comments, for your Page, right now today: 

1. Turkey bacon: Salvation or abomination?
What do people want to do? Pick sides. 
Picking sides in a clear-cut two-side argument is the easiest thing to do in the world. And fun -- just look at sports. In fact, asking which sports team your readers are rooting for in a game would also make a good post, but really any simple choice between two opposing options will work. You'll have some friends who find extruded meat disgusting and some that feel turkey bacon has allowed them to live again. But don't make them think too much. This is supposed to be fun. 

Kids, we're having conversation starter for dinner!

2. What should I do with this chicken and rutabega?
What do people want to do? Talk about food.
If you haven't figured out that the internet is mostly about food then you haven't spent much time on Pinterest or Instagram. People love to talk about their favorite recipes and help you with your food dilemmas. Post a strange combination of ingredients and ask for ideas. For bonus points, post a strange combination of ingredients you actually have and then post a picture of the results. Or just ask, "What can I make with kale?"

3. It's time for vacation! What city should I visit next?
What do people want to do? Be experts.
Everyone is an expert on the places they've been, especially places in Europe for some reason. If you ask for a "must do" list in Barcelona, I guarantee your comments will be piling up in drifts around your page. You'll have to get rid of them with a leaf blower just to see your cover photo. 

4. Ready to change up my coffee. How do you take it? 
What do people want to do? Define a personal preference. 
Collections of these questions used to float around email lists, circulating as ice breakers or just getting-to-know-you prompts. What's your favorite crayon color? Do you drink lemonade or soda? Do you eat the broccoli stems or not? This kind of question is good because it requires a short answer, and it feels like a revelation without the discomfort of an actual revelation.

5. Anybody get any good news today?
What do people want to do? Share feelings. 
You could ask the broader question: "How are you doing?" But that's actually harder to answer and less inviting than a more specific question. Any time you can bend your post so that the on-ramp to a comment is a  yes/no answer, you're giving your readers an easier time. Anybody sick today? Anybody on the rampage today? They can always just Like... the Facebook equivalent of nodding.

6. What’s the worst thing you ever did in a minivan?
What do people want to do? Share personal anecdotes. 
Again, be specific in scope but general in appeal. Asking about the worst thing someone's done in a minivan is pretty specific. But on the other hand, everyone's been in a minivan. Everyone can answer this. Sharing personal anecdotes is fun, it's interesting to read the other comments on the post, and if you keep the question light, it's easy to give a quick comment.

7. Gosh, at what age do you think I should wean my baby?
What do people want to do? Express an opinion. 
Up to this point I've stressed that you should keep it light and easy, but I'd be remiss if I didn't note that real controversy will make your readers engage. One way to survive it with your dignity (and friend list) intact is to pose your update as a question, and then stay out of the resulting fray. Sure you can toss in some "Hmm, what about this?" comments to move the conversation along, but don't argue one side or the other. This isn't turkey bacon, and people can get pretty irate. Note: If you use the exact status update in this example, and you aren't currently nursing a baby, it might become obvious to your readers that you're just trying to stir them into a frothy passion. 

8. My kid/husband/dog just said/did a funny thing!
What do people want to do? Laugh. 
If you are lucky enough to have a child or husband or dog that provides you with Facebook fodder, don't hide this charming light under a bushel. If you find it funny, your readers will too, including me. 

I seriously don't know what kind of car this is.

9. Does anyone know what kind of car is in this picture? I'm doing research. 
What do people want to do? Help. 
Writers do research online, and one of the best places to do it is right on your Facebook Page, utilizing the knowledge base of your readers. Many times I've asked for help with word choice, facts, identifying pictures, etc. Unless you want it to sound like a game of trivia, make it a genuine question that you're actually struggling with. If you're really unsure, or the answer is ambiguous, then the comments won't dry up after someone gets the right answer, like they would in a trivia question post.

10. Guys, I've got a secret to share. 
What do people want to do? Connect. 
This isn't something you can do every day, both because it would be emotionally exhausting and because you probably don't have enough deeply personal material to keep on revealing something new day after day. Or maybe you do. (Great!) But once in a while, sharing something really personal is a powerful way for your readers and friends to connect with you. If you are in pain, or fear, or love, occasionally let people peek at that. Making yourself a little bit vulnerable makes you accessible and real to the people who genuinely want to connect.

When your Facebook Page provides opportunities for readers and friends to do things they already want to do, you're making it easy for them to interact with you. Try it! 


Lydia Netzer is the author of Shine Shine Shine, now out in paperback, which the New York Times Book Review selected as one of 100 Notable Books for 2012. It was also chosen by Amazon as one of their Editor's Picks for the Top 100 Books of 2012, by Library Journal as one of five Top Women's Fiction Titles of 2012, and by Nancy Pearl in Publisher's Weekly as one of her ten favorite books of 2012. It's a novel about robots, motherhood, space travel, true love, and the perils of fitting in. Find her on her blog, Facebook, and Twitter. 

Book Pregnant Authors in the News

Book Pregnant is proud to announce that TWO of FIVE nominees for the The Art Seidenbaum Award for First Fiction (part of the 33^rd LA Times Book Prizes) are Book Pregnant members.

Congratulations David Abrams whose novel Fobbit  (Black Cat/Grove/Atlantic,Inc.) was nominated and to Lydia Netzer nominated for her own debut Shine Shine Shine (St. Martin's Press) 

The winners of the L.A. Times book prizes will be announced at an awards ceremony April 19, 2013.  For more information about the awards and this year's prestigious list of nominees click here.

A Writer's Wish List

Welcome to December. Here is your official welcome package: a snowflake, a large pine tree, a candle, a snifter of brandy. Whatever tradition you're gearing up for, it's likely you've got gifts on the brain, and a shopping list as long as your arm. Here are some hints as to what the writers in your circle of friends and family might be longing for this holiday season. Some are DIY, some are even free! Only one is purely mythological.

No matter the genre or publisher, these are guaranteed to make any author click its little heels together with glee while smiling ear to ear. You might even see a little tooth sparkle, along with a charming *TING* of holiday magic. And if that isn't an image to go on a greeting card, I don't know what is. In related news, I'd like to know who's stuffing all those cats into Santa hats.

Quit it.

10. Sales.

Authors love sales. So I know that you, being a good and virtuous family member or friend, have already bought the book. But now, you can buy your friends the book. Buy your kids' teachers the book. I remember at my book launch, several dear and marvelous friends actually said, "I'm doing my holiday shopping right now!" as they toted away an armful of copies. I have now erected large, permanent, ostentatious statues in their honor in my driveway. Yes, it's hard to get the car out, but these people need recognition.

Many authors are happy to mail you a signed bookplate, for even more palpable specialness.

9. Reviews

It is free to review your author friend's book on Amazon, on Goodreads, on LibraryThing. A thoughtful few sentences, a handful of stars, a couple of tags checked, a "Like" button clicked: these might seem insignificant to you, but they are beautiful gifts to an author.

8. Stories

Interrupt the novel, and I will destroy you.

A truth: Authors often chuckle to each other about how people come up to us saying, "I've got a great book idea for you. You write it, and we'll split the profits!"

Another truth: Most authors are walking around with 87 book ideas in their heads, and their only lament is not being able to crawl into a cave, dig a tiger moat at the entrance, and crouch over a laptop for the next six years, writing them all down. Did I mention the cave has wifi? And that someone occasionally tosses a turkey dinner across the tiger moat? Is this just my fantasy?

KIDS, STOP TALKING TO ME.

This one is tricky because not every story makes a good gift. Long ones usually don't. Ones involving the death of grandmothers, or adoptees finding birth parents, or really special, amazing animals... usually don't. What constitutes a literary treasure? Odd little snippets. Nuggets maybe. Sometimes whole book ideas emerge from tiny little bits of overheard conversation, or sometimes those little nuggets can fit into our books in weird ways.

Example: My friend Tina was chatting with me and some other people and casually mentioned she had a cousin or uncle or something who had escaped from prison by riding a cow through a river. I swear, it was as if the ceiling ripped open, a beam of light shone down on her face, and time slowed. I pulled up a chair and begged her to keep talking about this beautiful, magical cousin from god. Turns out he killed himself playing Russian roulette. WHAT? Was there NOTHING this cousin could not do? Turns out this backstory went like a puzzle piece directly into the past life of one of the minor characters in my WIP. It went in so perfectly, there was almost an audible click. Share your stories. Then get ready to read all about it.

 7. Social Media Love

Easy to Tweet: Hey, I read this book and it's awesome. If you loved Eat Pray Love, you'll want to get this one. It's like Eat Pray Love but IN SPACE!

Easy to share on Facebook: Hey, this book totally changed my mind about panthers. Turns out they're really lovable pets! Check it out. 

Post the cover on Pinterest. Microblog it on Tumblr. Pass the link around. Boost the signal.

6. Blog Posts.

If you have a blog, post a review or an interview! Relate the book to something personal to you, to give awesome content to your own readers while spreading the word for your author friends. If you don't have a blog, consider submitting a guest post to a blog you love. Starting a blog just to pimp out your friend's book is probably a bad idea, although I can see it working as a publicity stunt, if you were able to sustain it on a daily basis for several years. You can do that, right?

So many to choose from!

5. Booze. 

Note: This should also be on the wish lists for architects, bottle washers, chefs, dog walkers, educators, firefighters, grooms, hospital clerical workers, infographic makers, jewelers, kick boxers, loom weavers, magicians, nickel stampers, obstetricians, physicists, query critiquers, rocketry specialists, specialists of all kinds, truck drivers, unitarians, vets, white house interns, x-ray technicians, yak worshippers, and zebra inseminators.

What, my spell check doesn't like the word "inseminators"?

4. Encouragement. 

You can do it! Your book is freakin' fantastic! Are you kidding? Of course you can write another one just as good. Better, even. You are killing this author thing. 

As much as you feel like you've already stroked this needy author's ego quite enough, consider the fact that probably right now the soundtrack in their head is something along the lines of this: "That last book was a fluke. Nothing you say makes sense. You couldn't write your way out of a tiger moat. The things that are important to you aren't important to anyone else. That character's not likable. That idea makes you certifiable. Coffee is starting to taste bad, WHY? You're going to get a hole in your favorite sweater. The hole is coming. The groaning abyss that is your absence of talent will suck you down through that hole and annihilate you."

So you know, some cheery words are never amiss.

3. Time

If there's any way you can facilitate your author friend or family member getting more peaceful and uninterrupted time to write, this is a treasured, hallowed, beautiful thing. Loan your summer house. Babysit. When you're thinking of asking your author friend/family to volunteer for some lengthy, time-consuming activity, or get them involved in some really great idea for a project, or join you in a new hobby, reconsider. Think of someone else. Don't recommend new TV shows. Don't say, "You know, we should really go hiking on the beach once a week, for our health!"

Note to my personal friends: This is not a call for help. I have everything under control. Just send tigers. 

So, I was trying to think of what I would include for #2, and I told my husband what I was considering, he said, "What? That has nothing to do with gifts. Don't you want a gun/flyswatter? Or a robot that sharpens your pens?" It's true that I do want those things, but I feel a responsibility to be honest and deliver a true list, of real desires, and the list would not be complete without this:

2. Magical Plot Solutions. 

There's probably nothing you can really do here, and there's nothing to buy. But this is what authors really most want: plot solutions. We want to experience that sudden strange, unexpected brain-twist that results in a smooth, blissful unraveling of a huge plot-knot.

I want one really bad, this month. I'm praying and dreaming and hoping. I know it will come to me while driving, or while in the shower, or while reading someone else's book and thinking about something completely different, or while knitting, or while telling my dog to stop scratching his junk so luxuriously on the carpet -- I know it will come.

Like most writers, I'm an optimist. Even though we crank about the world and write books where everyone inexorably dies in despair, we all believe in magic, much like the kind that gets talked about in December. Writer magic comes in the middle of writing books. It comes when you're 16 chapters in and it's dismal and clanging and nothing works. It's like a special weapon that only becomes available when you've committed yourself to a battle you can't win. You can't predict or explain it, or make it happen, or find it by looking, but if you didn't think it was coming, you'd never start chapter 2. When it comes, it's the best, best thing ever. When you're waiting for it, the night can be long and dark.

I know I said it wasn't for sale, but if anyone's seen the devil, can you give him my mobile #? Thanks.

Note: My husband's next suggestion was "Sexy muse." But we all know what the #1 gift idea should be, right? It's not a brilliant cover or getting on year-end lists (although Book Pregnant authors have been killing it on that front, yo!). 

1. Sales

See #10.

Lydia Netzer is the author of Shine Shine Shine, which the New York Times Book Review just selected as one of 100 Notable Books for 2012. It was also chosen by Amazon as one of their Editor's Picks for the Top 100 Books of 2012, by Library Journal as one of five Top Women's Fiction Titles of 2012, and by Nancy Pearl in Publisher's Weekly as one of her ten favorite books of 2012. Written over ten years, two attempts at Nanowrimo, and many despairing moments, it's a novel about robots, motherhood, space travel, true love, and the perils of fitting in. Find her on her blog, Facebook, and Twitter. 

Five Good Reasons You Won't Finish Your Novel

This dude was so proud, he
named his novel FINISHED.

by Lydia Netzer

In November, lots of people start new novels, as participants in National Novel Writing Month. Few people will finish those novels. That's a fact. Finishing a novel, slapping your hand down on a stack of papers and shouting, "DONE!" either literally or metaphorically -- that's something pretty rare. Why? Why do most people who start novels lose their way? Statistically speaking, if you're writing a novel right now, at some point before the end you will slow and stop. Why?

I do not believe that the reason you won't finish your novel is that you're not a writer. 

Novels are just words. We all have access to the same ones. I don't believe everyone can write The Old Man and the Sea or Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell or Ulysses or Geek Love. But I do believe that you and everyone else who wants to can write a perfectly good novel that brings fulfillment to you and enjoyment to readers. So why are you not done? Here's a list of possible reasons.

1. You're writing the wrong book. 

Your idea is fabulous -- everyone says so. It exists as a beautiful crystalline work of art in your mind, so perfect in all its facets, so gloriously fresh and interesting and flawlessly structured. But you just... can't... seem to write it.

Truth: It can look like the right book, and still be the wrong book. The wrong book can sound great when you talk about it! You might be telling yourself how easy it will be to pitch, how neatly the plot comes together, how cute that one scene is, when she gets the phone call about going to the marina and what? -- she's already there. But if it's not the right book for you, for this year, for this moment in your life, then you need to grab your valuables and abandon ship right now. Write something else. If it makes you feel better, you can tell yourself you'll come back to it. Whether or not that's true doesn't really matter -- what matters is getting you out off the slowly sinking vessel that is this manuscript. Do something else. Swim away. Even if you've spent ten years working on this wrong book. Even if it's the only idea you think you're ever going to have. Because you know what? You're never going to finish it anyway.

Find the book you're supposed to write. It might be underneath the one you're working on, or beside it. It might be on the other side of a wall you've built to protect yourself from it -- maybe you've put the real storyline in the past, or you've killed off a character forty years ago that should be the star of the book, or you've shirked on telling a backstory that should be center stage. Look for the real story. If it looks perfect and easy and like it will write itself, that's probably not it. If it looks hard and awful and kind of makes you sick to your stomach, guess what? You found it.

Can this many people really care
about zombies all at the same time?

2. You're writing to be on trend. 

If your novel contains a school for children with special abilities, godlike qualities, or magical powers... If your novel contains werewolves, vampires, zombies, or trolls... If your novel explores a post-apocalyptic landscape where a remnant of humans struggles to rebuild their world... If your novel follows a plucky group of strangers through a zombie onslaught...

Examine your motivation.

This is not to say that a new book cannot be written about vampires or special kid schools or the earth after the apocalypse or zombies. Obviously it can. I'm saying that if you're writing about one of the above scenarios, or one of a dozen other trendy elements we all could name, and you find yourself faltering and failing to make progress, consider the possibility that you're writing to be on trend and you don't really care about your book.

Write about something you care about. Not about something that's popular.

Third time's a charm.

3. You've grown away from your book. 

I started writing Shine Shine Shine in spring of 1999. I started over twice: two times I was looking at a blank page, thinking let's-take-another-run-at-this-thing. Why? Two major changes happened in my life over the course of writing the book: I became a mother and my own mother died. Each of these changes caused me to start the book over. The final product bears little resemblance to the first draft -- except that it's still about motherhood and love and death. There are a few stray paragraphs that made it back into later drafts from that first effort, but calling it the same book is really sort of disingenuous.

Had I held on to those first characters, that first plot, and kept trying to make it work, I would never have finished. I changed radically in 10 years -- I could not have stayed with the same book during those changes. I grew up, and the book had to grow up too. That necessitated some painful cuts, and trashing a lot of words that I'd slaved over and loved. But eventually I did finish, because I let the book change with me.

4. You want to say everything. 

This is a big factor for first time novelists and it was a big factor for me. A major problem, really, especially as I neared the end of my final first draft. I felt like I would maybe, if I was lucky, if I could manage to swing it, have one chance to say everything I've ever wanted to say about life, death, humanity, space travel, parenthood, robots, love, the world. I wanted to open up my brain and remove the whole thing, cram it into the pages of a book, and anything less than that felt like I wasn't doing my job.

That was dumb.

For one thing, saying everything you can possibly think of makes a lot of noise. It's hard to hear any one good idea in a deluge of 50,000 ideas. For another thing, looking at this writing thing optimistically, you're going to want to write a second novel and even a third, and if you've unloaded all of your crazy -- excuse me all of your ideas -- into one book, you may find yourself looking at a blank page on book two and thinking, dang, what am I going to write about now?

Consider this a permission slip: You do not need to say everything in your novel. You can leave some things out. You can say some things in your next book, or the one after that. Pick one thing, or maybe two or three things, or even four or five, to say in this book. Focus. There is a long life ahead of you in which you can write many books. Don't let the burning need to include everything that's important to your world cripple you and prevent you from finishing this book. Don't.

5. You don't have time. You're sick. Your mother died. You have a good excuse.

You have a good excuse. We all have a good excuse. You have a special needs kid, you have a sick husband, you yourself are sick, you are working two jobs, your laptop broke, your desktop broke, you lost 95,000 words of your manuscript in a hard drive failure, you had to move, you had to change jobs, you got divorced, your mother died, your sister went insane, your leg got chewed off in a lawn mower accident.

These things happen, and they are really valid excuses for not writing a novel. They're all real. They're not insignificant. Life sucks sometimes and it can really harsh your writing buzz. People die. People need you in ways you cannot avoid. You get sad, you get sick, you get life circumstances you have to deal with. No one can deny that.

And no one will deny it.

When you don't finish your novel, and your excuse is one of the above, everyone will understand. Everyone will say, "I understand." And they'll go on with their lives. Because ultimately, they don't really care. The only person who really, really cares about your unfinished novel is you. Not your wife. Not your kids. Not your parents or friends or coworkers. It costs your friends and family nothing to understand all the reasons why your novel isn't done. They can be understanding all day long, all your life long. But then, you're someone who, in the end, did not write a novel and had really good reasons for it.

Novel writing is lonely. It's serious. At 1 o'clock in the morning, in the middle of your kitchen, when you're tearing your hair out over a scene you can't get straight, and you just want to go to bed, the only person who's responsible for persevering through that situation is you. Excuses are social, they're dependent on other people. Writing is insular. Your progress is between you and your book: you do it or you don't. You get it done or you don't. All the understanding in the world isn't going to get you to The End. It's up to you to decide whether your excuses are good enough for you. If you accept them. You're the only person that matters.

I hope this blog post pissed you off a little. I hope it put a burr under your saddle. I want you to finish your novel -- maybe not this month but soon. It is a great feeling, an addicting feeling, one that will get you pushing past your excuses, past the pain of abandoning drafts, and past the discomfort of writing something that really matters to you. You can finish, no matter what your circumstances. And when you do, you're going to really have something to celebrate. Finishing a novel is rare. Get out there and be someone who does it anyway.

Lydia Netzer is the author of Shine Shine Shine, which the New York Times called "A stellar, thought-provoking debut" and People Magazine called "a delightfully unique love story." It was recently chosen by Amazon as one of their Editor's Picks for the Top 100 Books of 2012, by Library Journal as one of five Top Women's Fiction Titles of 2012, and by Nancy Pearl in Publisher's Weekly as one of her ten favorite books of 2012. Written over ten years, two attempts at Nanowrimo, and many despairing moments, it's a novel about robots, motherhood, space travel, true love, and the perils of fitting in. Find her on her blog, Facebook, and Twitter. 

Unconventional Book Marketing: Outside the Reader Box

by Lydia Netzer

That's me with Keith, who won my book!

Selling to book clubs, book blog readers, book social media users, and bookstore goers is a science. Authors all over the place are pitching to bloggers, interacting with Twitter followers, and reading in stores. I am too. I also find myself looking for weird, off-the-beaten-path methods of promoting my book and others' books. This summer I found one in an odd place: a bike race.

In June I read an amazing book: The Lady Cyclist's Guide to Kashgar by Suzanne Joinson. It really struck me how wonderfully Joinson portrayed the experience of riding a bicycle, and how elegantly she connected it to the female identity in the early 20th century. I mean, just the tag line, "Mount and away" sort of thrilled me and I can't ride my bicycle more than 16 mph. Just imagine, I thought, what the female cyclists who race around here in Virginia will think of it. They'll love this book! I thought.

My husband is a cyclist. We know lots of cyclists. He's been racing for years and I've been traipsing around to races with him, meeting cyclists and hanging out. Cyclists are literate, educated, interesting people. They've also got enough cash on hand to drop ridiculous (debatable) amounts of money on knobs and pipes (or whatever) so they can be reasonably expected to spend $25 on a hardback (or $12 on an ebook). I thought I'd mention the book to some cyclists I knew. 

Jr. Champion with Gold in his prize basket.

Then another book struck my eye. My novel shared Amazon's Editor's Picks List for Summer with a book by Little Bee author Chris Cleave, who has written a new book about Olympic cyclists called Gold. What? Another cycling book? And while I hadn't read it yet because it wasn't yet out, I knew based on Chris Cleave's other work that it was going to be fabulous. 

Coincidentally (yes, it is pure coincidence!) my own novel has a cyclist in it! In fact, the male main character rides a road bike, is familiar with Tegaderm, and follows the Tour de France by running around France dressed up like a microchip! Three cycling novels in the same summer... it was an opportunity for cross promotion that my guerilla-marketing brain couldn't pass up. When it was time for my husband's cycling team's annual race, The Franklin Omnium, I knew we had to include these books somehow. 

Simon & Schuster and Bloomsbury Press were kind enough to contribute copies of The Lady Cyclist's Guide to Kashgar and signed copies of Gold, and I tossed in signed copies of Shine Shine Shine, three days before the release. We included novels in the gift baskets for the overall winners, gave them away as prizes in the individual races, and put them on display at the registration area so we could chat them up all weekend to the riders. I was so pleased and happy with how these prizes were received and thrilled to see riders talking about the books with each other, promising to spread the word and let other cyclists know about these books. I really hope our attempt to connect books with target readers they might not otherwise have found will be fruitful for all the authors.

When you're thinking about marketing your book, let your mind go down tangents as you brainstorm where your readers might be. Maybe they're at a sporting event, a concert, a charity event, a farmer's market? A garden store? The history department of your local university? Don't be afraid to look outside the traditional book markets to connect. 

Check out this photo set for more pictures of books in the bike race, and if you're a cyclist, or a space nut, or a mom, a student of Myanmar, a parent of an autistic child, please visit my web site to check out my book. It launches today!

When I Am Forty, I Will Publish a Book

by Lydia Netzer

1. I am turning forty today.

2. I am not Herman Melville.

3. I am vulnerable to weather.

These are the three disappointments of the day.

Last year, on my birthday, somebody died. That was a different disappointment.

Last week, I took a canoe trip with my two children on the Allegheny River. One minute we were floating lazily along, and I was taking pictures of different sunbathing rocks that would have looked like the one that my main characters Sunny and Maxon were sitting on when he proposed. The next minute, the air turned chill and I heard thunder. We tried, valiantly, to make it back to the canoe rental place and get safely into their office or our van. However, we ended up blown across to the wrong side of the river. We climbed out of the canoe and pulled it up into the rocks, and spent the next half hour or so clinging to the slippery side of a large boulder, unable to see or speak because of the strength of the thunderstorm that was raining down on our heads. In the river valley, thunder almost deafens you. We were afraid to go into the trees, the canoe was swamped and barely above water, and it was all bad.
My daughter is eight and weighs about 40 pounds. My son and I tried to make a roof over her with our bodies, but she was shaking terribly from the cold and driving rain. I was very positive, very calm and sure for the children, but the thing that was raging in my head, and the thing I was screaming at Dan later on the phone, was that nature was doing a very good job of reminding me that I am very small, and very weak, and that the world does not care if one person drowns in a river on a Saturday, or if one child gets hit by lightning while freezing on a rock. I live my life in a bubble of technology and communication and abstraction. Then I come out of my bubble, feeling as invulnerable as an idea, and put my proud ass in a canoe, and then a thunderstorm comes. I was wearing a *dress*. How stupid and vain.

So, I am vulnerable to weather. And on top of that, I’m not Melville.

I can remember when I was 32. Actually, it was when I was turning 33. Melville wrote Moby-Dick when he was 32, and I had always felt, in some hubris-soaked part of my overachieving little brain, that by the time I was 32, I would have something massive to say to the world, like Melville did. I felt that I would write my “magnum opus.” As I turned 33, I can remember crying to Joshilyn on the phone that I had failed, that I had gotten old, that I had nothing to say.

The year I was 32 was also the year my mother died, the year I was pregnant with my daughter and struggling to parent my son, the year I was trying (again) to write Shine Shine Shine only with three female main characters instead of one, and it wasn’t working. None of it was working -- not being pregnant, not parenting, not having people stay alive, and not writing my novel. So because this ridiculously arbitrary age of 33 came and I had not produced a noble work of timeless majesty, I cried and pissed around and moped. And felt spent. There were lots of times that year I felt like giving up. How stupid again, and how vain.

Today is my birthday. Last year, on my birthday, somebody died.

She was legally my sister, biologically my aunt, functionally my parent. She was not that old: 67.  She died with about a hundred to-do lists scattered around her house. I found them as I was sorting and cleaning. One of her favorite things to do, it seemed, was to buy a new notebook, open it to the first page, and write out an enormous to-do list. The lists I found over those weeks of organizing dated back a long way. They included huge projects like “Empty the Garage” and “Sew Five Outfits” and “Lose 20 Pounds” and “Plant Vegetable Garden.” It was both heartbreaking and horrifying to see how ambitious these lists always were, and to realize that she never crossed anything off. This is not to say that she never did anything. She did plenty. But not these things. She died with all these lists full of lofty, noble, challenging goals, and they were collecting in drifts around her house, and she’s dead now, and they mean nothing.

Her death was unexpected. It’s possible that she felt, like I feel, invulnerable to death and danger, that she felt it couldn’t actually happen to her, she couldn’t actually die, not with all those lists and all the intentions she had. After all, I did survive that thunderstorm and flood. I didn’t drown or get burned up in lightning. It could be I am invulnerable after all. To death, to aging, to weather, to an adjusted timetable for success. I could still live forever, AND be Melville, AND walk through fire.

1. I’m turning 40 today. (If I say it enough times, it will seem real.)

2. I am launching a book this year.

3. I am able to survive a thunderstorm, outside, in a dress.

These are the three celebrations of the day.

All of this has really happened: I aged. I coasted through 33 without a novel. I have loved my family, I have parented my children, I have supported my friends. And here’s the big thing I have to say to you today about something that really happened too. My life to-do list has always had one giant and blazing bullet point: WRITE A NOVEL. That has been done. It came late, and took a long time. I am older than I thought I would be and sadder than I thought I would be, but I am here. I’m proud to show you the book trailer for Shine Shine Shine: not “before I turn 40” or “in my youth” but right now. Happy birthday to me. 



Like the song “Robots”? The music from the trailer is available for free download here: The Virginia Janes. Happy birthday to YOU.

Book Pregnant Meet-Up in North Carolina

Whenever possible, our group members like to meet up and support each other's events, so we can put not only faces to the names but strange facial ticks, an odd choice of shoe style, or a silver minivan to the names as well. Those of us over here on the East Coast have been moaning and groaning about how we never have a chance to meet up, and shaking our little fists at the sky in envy of the West Coast people, who have had so many meet-ups, they're practically a political party.

Then our group's newly annointed NYT best selling member Wiley Cash came to North Carolina on his tour, and all members in southern Virginia and northeast North Carolina converged on Quail Ridge Books and Music in Raleigh, NC for an all-night jamboree and hootenanny. Or a book signing. One of those things.

I coerced my favorite book blogger, Andrea Kinnear of Faulkner 2 Fibonacci, to drive along with me, for a pre-event planning session with Barbara Claypole White, Brenda Bevan Remmes, and Anne Clinard Barnhill, over vegan chili and tofu sprouts at the Whole Foods next to the bookstore. Our task was to plan a panel we're going to be presenting at an upcoming conference, but when we were done my notes featured the phrase "Telling people not to use paper is like telling people not to eat potatoes." We still have work to do on that panel presentation! Here we are:

Next door at the book event, Wiley killed on stage.

Brenda and I made sure to document everything for the internet. 

Here we are waiting for Wiley to get done signing.

Brenda and Barbara getting books signed by himself. 

Wiley and our book blogger Andrea. She doesn't have to review us positively. We just pinch her if she doesn't. 

Brenda, Wiley, me (Lydia), and Barbara, who's standing in front of a huge pile of preorders waiting to be signed.

It was a delightful evening, a great reading from A Land More Kind Than Home, which is grooving its way into literary history, and a nice break from real life to hang out with girlfriends real and virtual. 

Our "Book Pregnant" group has been an experiment in collaborative marketing, a social outlet to vent and brag, a place to learn from others' triumphs and mistakes, a way to share information and insider news, and a way to make friends in the business. I marvel that these people who I barely even know in real life are so solidly on my tribe (and I on theirs) as we all try to successfully bring our books to market in this changing industry and evolving internet landscape. I'm grateful we had the chance to meet, online and in North Carolina! 

The Difficult Second Novel

by Lydia Netzer

First book. Done.

It's sitting there in a neat pile by my desk. My first novel, Shine Shine Shine, in glittering, glowing advance reader copies. The blurbs are in, the cover is designed, the thing has been revised fifty thousand times, and its pages contain everything I wanted to say about humanity, love, death, motherhood, and fear. Every word has been analyzed, moved, changed, tweaked, and every line is purposeful. And I like it.

It's sitting there in a file on my computer. My second novel, as yet untitled. It is a first draft, which means it hulks and skitters across the page. It is unfinished, which means I don't know all its secret agendas and devious little plans yet. It might change. It's full of stupidly repeated words. It's got place-holder dialogue and language, like "Describe the institute lobby here, fool, if you can." And I'm a little afraid of it.

In my imagination, the first book addresses the second:

Second book. Not done.

"What's up, noob? Hey, you got some pie filling on your collar. Or is that self-indulgent interior monologue? Dang, you're going to need to revise that, honey!"

Smartypants first book is not very tolerant of the second book's growing pains. Like an older sibling that pokes a baby and says, "Can it play yet?" Really, I want to love them both. But the first book is just so charming. Second book looks monstrous in comparison.

If I were a potter this would be easy.

I like a nice chili bowl. (Credit)

The first book is like a glazed, finished bowl. It's microwave-safe. Its motif is well defined. It's symmetrical. You can eat chili out of it and not die of lead poisoning. You can put it on your shelf and admire it. You can say to your neighbor: "I made that" and your neighbor will not back away in terror.

This is actual clay mined by me.

The second book is like a lump of clay you just dug up out of the yard. It has rocks in it, and streaks of dirt, and it's as symmetrical as a brain tumor, and if you tried to eat chili out of it... well, you would never try to do that. Because who eats chili out of a hideous lump of clay? Who would EVER want to do THAT?

"No one," whispers the first book. "Because it's just so hideous!"

The difficult second novel (or album). Is this really a thing? Oh yes, it's such a common problem that there are blogs and bands named after it. Stephen Fry explained it like this:

"The problem with a second novel is that it takes almost no time to write compared with a first novel. If I write my first novel in a month at the age of 23, and my second novel takes me two years, which have I written more quickly? The second of course. The first took 23 years, and contains all the experience, pain, stored-up artistry, anger, love, hope, comic invention and despair of that lifetime. The second is an act of professional writing. That is why it is so much more difficult."

Is that why it's so difficult? I'm not sure. Maybe there are other reasons. Here's my list:

1. It's always hard to draft. Writing through the drafting stage while the first novel is sitting there winking at you, fully edited and polished, takes a lot of fortitude. It's hard to remember your first book was once this difficult, that it once sat in tatters as you completely rearranged the timeline, that it used to be three main characters instead of one, that there was a really pretentious and unlikable stock trader in it, that it once had a line in it where one woman held the other woman's entire husband in her mouth, like a cat. It's hard to remember that the first novel used to be bad, used to be rough, used to be just like this.

2. The second novel sends you in a definite direction. The first novel is a point on a graph. The second novel is another point on the graph. But in between these points, something very significant is formed -- a vector. And the vector points to your future as a writer, and where your career will go. With one novel under your belt, and a second in the works, it feels like you could put the second point anywhere.

Darker, or lighter. More romantic, less. More literary, more commercial. More about cats, more about dogs. More hope, more despair. But ALL of those choices seem dangerous. If I write another book about artichokes, does that mean that all my future books must be about artichokes? Conversely if I write my second book about pears, will all the artichoke fanatics who bought my first book be disappointed and upset? Or is elliptical produce too limiting entirely -- maybe my second book should be about wristwatches.

3. There's not a lot of time to focus on it. This is why kid #1 gets a baby book elaborately filled in and packed with keepsakes. Kid #2 gets a "firsts" journal maybe, and by the time you get to kid #4, he's lucky to show up as a blur in the background of an aunt's snapshot.

4. You feel like you've already said everything. We writers are not in the business of holding back. We put it all out there, as much as we can, in every single chapter, and we don't save back reserves to get us through next year, when there is a long, wide feasting table to be piled with everything in the pantry, right now. At least I don't. So when I had finally finished the eleventeenth revision of Shine Shine Shine, I felt that not only was I done with it, but that I was done with saying things in general, because everything I wanted to say was in that book. Everything important to me was represented. It felt complete.

Of course, that was dumb. Of course I have more to say. There are huge stones yet to turn over and an entire weird universe of questions to pry open. Now that I'm locked into wrestling with my new book, I'm urgent about its new ideas. As for not having a lot of time, hey, kid #2 might not get the elaborate baby book that #1 is so proud of, but kid #2 is going to get all the benefit of my "first time" experience. I'm a better writer now than I was when I started. That helps! And yes, my second novel will send me in a direction. But the reality is that I was already going in a direction. The second book is as inevitable as one breath follows the next, and the idea that I could set that second point down anywhere on the graph -- that is actually the illusion. I'm going to write the book I have to write, and do the best job I can, and what comes out will set a vector, yes. But that vector was pre-determined by the mess in my brain, not by some decision I think I've made to send myself down this or that career path.

Which brings us back to the act of drafting. The act of sticking one's hands into the lump of clay, while the glazed and finished bowl sits gleaming on the shelf (full of chili, I hope). And that, my friends, is just going to be hard. But fortunately, I'm in it up to my elbows, and my characters have grabbed me by the throat, and I'm not washing my hands until this thing looks like a plate. See you in the kiln!

Ten Words to Make You Sound Smart at a Book Party

Try to impress Jacques Derrida.

by Lydia Netzer

As a budding author, you may soon find yourself wearing a sassy outfit, holding a glass of champagne, smelling the way Thierry Mugler wants  you to smell, and standing in a room full of book people. You are clearly engaged in what can only be described as a party. There are drinks, there is food, people are milling around chatting, and the lights are low. However, in your debut author brain, what's going on is more like the GRE, combined with a firing squad, and also a graduation, where everyone is examining you to see if you look different, know your stuff, and deserve not to be shot.

Will you be a good author? Will you measure up? After all, you've possibly just spent a significant amount of time mostly alone, sweating over your novel, maybe even changing diapers, maybe even driving a minivan. How will you be able to converse with these elites, who eat, drink, and live books?

Here are ten words to stock your conversational arsenal that will make you sound like you just spent six years in a PhD program reading Derrida and Joyce and drinking absinthe. Warning: With the wrong audience, you might end up punched in the face or wearing your underwear outside your pants involuntarily. Use at your discretion.

1. Hegemony: This word describes a stronger group inflicting its self-serving ideas on a weaker group, while making the weaker group believe these ideas are awesome. Hegemony is pretty much a cuss word, for book nuts. Example: "This is a total hegemony, man!"

2. Proust: Proust is a fiction writer, and gay, and French, and dead. Those are the facts you need. His most famous work was over 3000 pages long. It's about the nature of memory and art, and no one except his mother has ever read it all. You can say it contains whatever character or plot twist you wish, and never be contradicted.

3. Deconstructionism: Contrary to popular use in reality television shows about fashion and cooking, "deconstruct" does not mean the opposite of construct. It actually means to reduce a written work to its most basic assumptions and then show how those assumptions are paradoxical and therefore meaningless. Instead of good vs. evil, it's neither. This is not a synonym for "analyze." Sorry, Sean Hannity. Sorry, Top Chef!

Marcel Proust is scintillated by your discourse.

4. Hermeneutics: This word means the study of ways to find meaning in a text. There are a million ways to go about finding meaning, all predicated on the idea that it can be found. Believe it or not, there are people who believe that hermeneutics and meaning are stupid and boring. For serious rockstar points, publically discard hermaneutics and everything it implies.

5. Post-colonialism: At some point in the 20th century, the world decided that making colonies was bad. We also decided that reading any native literature from a colonized country as "cute" and saying "It's neat how they keep writing things down!" was also bad. So we had to develop a new term for our new enlightened way of interacting with this type of discourse. Post-colonialism means "after the colonizers decided the colonized might actually have something to say and stopped treating them like a bunch of amusing dopes."

6. Foucault: Foucault is a philosopher, and gay, and French, and dead. He wrote in a very smartypants manner about a bunch of stuff, including how there is no truth or meaning, no way to interpret discourse. He was super-against hermeneutics. In fact, if you want to disagree with something that ends in -ic or -ism, you can probably cite Foucault.

7. French Feminism: French feminists invented the idea of a female kind of writing, "ecriture feminine" which is super-sexy and completely different from phallocentric male discourse. French feminists believed women should write about women, and their bodies. If you use the phrase "writing the body" you will get knowing nods from male friends and phone numbers from the girls.

You fail to convince Heidegger.

8. Joycean: James Joyce's catalog is varied and deep, which means that "Joycean" can go in front of any noun you want, including "Joycean monologue" and "Joycean symbolism" and "Joycean analogy" and even "Joycean discourse."

9. Heterogeneous: Heterogeneity is good because diversity is good. Therefore the word "homogeneous" is bad, just like hegemony is bad. Note: None of these words can be properly applied to milk. Just political movements, world populations, ideas, and granola.

10. Discourse: Use this word in place of any synonym for language. Any chunk of words, spoken or written, can be discourse. Do not ever, under any circumstances, call words "words" or sentences "sentences." Try "heterogenous discursive units." You may note that I've used the word "discourse" in this very article about 47 times, just trying to sound smart!

Ok, but let's set all that aside for a moment.

Because look: the reality that I've been discovering is that book parties are actually really just parties. Book people are not irritating snobs just waiting to trip you up if you haven't actually read that Thomas Hardy novel you just nodded your head about. They're mostly lovely, kind, interesting people who want the best for you and want you to continue writing books so they can read them.

When you're in this situation, try not to be a Debut Author talking to a Bookstore Owner or a Magazine Editor or an Established Author. Just be a person talking to a person. The more human your connection, the more natural and genuine you are, the more fun you'll have and the more you'll take away from the experience. And, by the way, the more impressive you'll be. Because ultimately nobody wants to meet the guy or girl who can really throw around the word dialectic like a rodeo lasso. They want to meet you.

Are You Competitive With Other Writers?

The Inklings, a legendary writers' group.
You realize these guys knew how to party.

by Lydia Netzer

Writers, for centuries, have socialized with other writers. In salons, in retreats, artist colonies, as penpals, personal friends, friendly rivals, actual rivals. There is something about this writing life that draws like to like, so even though we tend to imagine writers as garret-dwelling loners, they actually do clump up together all the time. Maybe because no one else understands this particular brand of crazy. Maybe because they want to compare notes, not only to learn from their comrades but also to see how they measure up.

Our "Book Pregnant" group consists of 30 debut authors. As we've been going through this process together, sharing our news and asking questions and learning about the experiences the others are having, I've realized that besides the obvious (money) there are a multitude of comparison points authors can use to measure each other. Here are a few:

• Covers. Do you have foil? Is your name bigger than your title? Stock photo or original art? How thick is your paper?
• Blurbs. Were you blurbed by your buddies or did you draw in some strangers to publicly love you? 
• Tours. How many dates? Publisher footing the bill? 
• Giveaways. How many ARCs is your publisher putting out there before your launch?
• Reviews. Are you getting reviewed in the New York Times? Or not?
• Media. Where are you interviewed? Morning shows? NPR? 
• Lists. Not just bestseller lists, but "Most Anticipated" lists, recommendation lists, Indie Next lists, award shortlists... the list of lists goes on.
• Numbers. Did you know there are web sites where you can put your book, your friends books, and the books of everyone you know including Kafka and Nora Roberts, and then see side-by-side sales data in a handy graph? True. 

Not my actual sales figures.

With all of these ways that writers can one-up each other, all of the feelings that can potentially be hurt, and all the ways you can feel rotten about yourself by bathing in everyone else's success, you would think that our little group would be just a tiny bit fraught. That there would be a little bit of "Well, you may have gotten that profile, but I got that interview," or at the very least, "Damn, I wish I had that kind of print run." But I'm telling you, honestly, it's not like that. Not only is this group not like that, but I've been friends with other writers for most of my life, and while some of my friends have been insanely successful and others of us have not, I have seen my friends helping each other, helping me, supporting each other, cheering each other on, commiserating without eye-rolling, encouraging without comparing. It's really amazing. 

Why is this happening?

One idea is that writers have so many obstacles to overcome, so many external threats and potential "enemies," that it doesn't pay to attack each other from within the team. There are unimpressed reviewers, Goodreads users that give you one star with no explanation, Amazon coders that somehow leave your best info off your page, bookstore patrons that don't show up for readings in the rain, etc. Who needs to worry about other writers' snubs or sabotage? 

Crazy writer will bathe for Likes.

Another thought is that writers really do need each other to succeed -- for introductions, for advice, for recommendations, for instruction -- so once one has been helped, one is likely to turn around and help others. But what I've been thinking about lately is that possibly now in this online world of social media, where you need Likes and Retweets and Pinnings and Follows... you really can't survive on your own. Even if you're a loner, a tortured artist living in a cave, with no social skills and no deodorant, you better learn how to craft a cool status update, because your publisher is looking at your fan page, and you better have some engaged readers. 

You know what a hashtag on Twitter is, right? A hashtag is a word proceeded by a # sign, which creates a searchable, followable stream connected to a topic, group, or conversation. So if you use the #fallenwoman hashtag, you can click on it to find other fallen women. If you use the #bachelor hashtag, you can find other people discussing the show. If you use both, you can express your opinion about the cast, in a concise and Twitter-friendly way. If you use the #amwriting hashtag or the #mywana hashtag, you'll find writers joining together to support each other online. 

#amwriting was begun by Johanna Harness two years ago. It's an abbreviation of "I am writing" and its purpose is to connect writers to other writers around the world. You can read more about it here, or just jump on Twitter and search #amwriting to get a taste. #mywana is a tag that was launched by writer Kristen Lamb based on her book for writers, We Are Not Alone. She calls it the Love Revolution and you can read more about it here. I asked these two networking experts some questions about competition between writers and how the internet has changed the way writers interact. 

1. What inspired you to promote this hashtag? Was it seeing existing friendliness and collaboration between writers or was it seeing a dearth of it?

Johanna Harness: When I started on Twitter, there really wasn't a community of writers.  Agents had a lot of followers and there were pockets of authors who all knew each other, but it was difficult breaking into those groups.  I wanted a place where all were welcome, a place where it would be okay to jump into a conversation.  Twitter is a great medium for showing daily life. There is comfort in knowing that writing is frustrating and difficult and just a hell of a lot of work. Most writers have other gigs in their lives and still make time for words.  Just because the writing journey is difficult, that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.  Twitter shows that the real writing path is not magical.  It's wonderful some days and some days it makes your head explode.  That's normal.  I wanted a community on twitter where people would not feel so alone with that daily reality.

Kristen Lamb: Actually what inspired me to write WANA was that I saw a bunch of technology and marketing experts giving writers what I felt was flawed advice. They were well-meaning, but clearly didn't understand that writers are not car insurance and books are not tacos. Traditional marketing has never sold books...ever. And using Facebook as a new way to spam people is a bad idea.

I saw how writers could come together and support each other and they weren't doing that, at least not in a meaningful way that had power to eventually drive book sales. There was no reason we couldn't be one big family, leaning on each other and helping each other. Books are not so cost-prohibitive that people can't buy more than one, so there really was no reason for rivalry.

2. Do you think it's possible for a writer to survive the digital age *without* reaching out to support and network with other writers?

Kristen Lamb: No. I think the Lone Wolf writer is a romantic anachronism. Hemingway wouldn't last a minute in the new paradigm.

3. Conversely, do you think it's possible for a writer NOT to feel competitive with other writers? 

Johanna Harness: Yes.  I think it has a lot to do with how a writer experiences validation.  If motivation and validation come from within, writers are much more likely to be supportive of each other. 

Jealousy gets in the way of all kinds of relationships. If someone is jealous of my success and feels delight when I fail, that's not much of a friendship.  If that same person achieves great success and is only nice because she knows she's better than I am, that's no kind of friendship either.  I'm of a mind that we're all on individual paths.  We all struggle.  We're all working toward our goals. We can support each other and lift each other up and it doesn't diminish us.  Love inspires love. Jealousy inspires all sorts of nasty stuff.

4. Have you seen evidence of back-biting, invidious comparisons, put-downs and such on Twitter... without naming names? :) Or is it pretty rare?

Johanna Harness: Writers are no different than any other group of humans. I see it.  I distance myself from it. Anyone whispering ill of others to me is likely whispering ill of me to others.  That's not the kind of energy I want in my life.   

Kristen Lamb: I hate to say it, but the worst behavior and the most unprofessional behavior I have witnessed on Twitter actually came from agents. I have unfollowed literary agents who found it fun to hide behind a cutesy moniker and talk about writers like they were morons. They would whine that writers were unprofessional and then act like high school mean girls. I've seen less of that lately and that is good. I think many of them are realizing they need writers and that being unprofessional won't be tolerated. 

The only bad behavior I have witnessed from writers is the spamming. But, in fairness, a lot of "experts" are teaching them that blitzing people about their books is being a responsible professional. So in this instance I can see how I writer would mean well, but come off wrong. 

Agents mocking writers? There is no gray there. It's just wrong. But, again, I've seen less and less of that so that's a good sign.

5. Can you name some good examples of writers who give others hand-ups and help newbies, so I can give them shoutouts? :)

Johanna Harness: Recently the writers over at Beyond The Margins honored me with their Above and Beyond Award.  The best part of the experience has been getting to know the other nominees on the list.  I'd point you to that list for some really wonderful examples of community-builders. 

Kristen Lamb: Anyone you meet in #MyWANA. Also any of the WANAlums #WANA711 #WANA1011 and #WANA112 (WANAlums are blogging classes of mine who have teamed up). Piper Bayard @PiperBayad, Jenny Hansen @jhansenwrites, Marcy Kennedy, Patrick Thunstorm... There are just too many to name. 

***

What do you think? Are you competitive with other writers? Do you believe me when I say that writers can be purely supportive with other writers? Does Twitter foster comparison or foster collaboration? Have you seen the ugly side of a writing friendship? Leave a comment and tell us about it.